When independence changes

Few changes are as personal as the change in how much you can do on your own. Maybe you used to drive everywhere and now someone drives you. Maybe you used to run the household and now you need help in the shower. Maybe you are the one stepping in to help a parent who once helped you. These changes can bring grief, frustration and a feeling of losing yourself. Scripture does not dismiss those feelings. It also offers another way to see what is happening.

"Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour." (Ecclesiastes 4:9, King James Version)

Two are better than one

The writer of Ecclesiastes looked honestly at life, including its hard and confusing parts. One thing he concluded was that people are better together. Two people working side by side get more done, and they share the reward. Needing someone else is not a defeat. It is the way God designed human life to work.

Independence and dignity

Wanting independence is good. Doing what you can for yourself, making your own decisions and having privacy are part of human dignity, and caregivers should protect them carefully. Good equipment, a thoughtful home setup, and patient help can keep many choices in your own hands. But dignity does not disappear when help is needed. Your worth was never based on doing everything alone.

Interdependence

The church is described in the New Testament as a body, where every part needs every other part. No one is fully independent in God's family. We depend on God first, and on each other. A season of needing more help can be a season of discovering that truth more deeply, and of seeing love expressed in practical, everyday ways.

Jesus Himself, though He was the Son of God, allowed others to help Him. He accepted hospitality, let a woman anoint His feet, and asked His friends to stay awake with Him in the garden. He did not consider receiving help beneath Him.

For the one receiving help, and the one giving it

• If you are receiving help, keep making the choices that are yours to make: what to wear, what to eat, how to spend your time. Ask for what you want.
• If you are giving help, ask before you do. Offer choices. Let the person do what they can, even if it takes longer.
• Grieve what has changed, honestly, together. Then look for what is still good.

Two are better than one. In seasons of change, that can be a comfort rather than a loss.

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Sources

• Ecclesiastes 4, King James Version (eBible.org)